How to Make Amazing Friends
***I want to disclaimer that I wrote this post THREE YEARS AGO. And still, so much of it rings true! I wrestled between majorly updating it, but instead, I simply decided to change the dating from one year ago to four! Three years later and I can say these girls are still my besties with the addition of a couple more. God is so good you guys. I am thankful to still have the girls in my life, and better writing skills LOL
About four years ago, I was in a spot where I found myself battered, broken-hearted and just plain lonely. I had lots of good people around me, but I was craving something more. I was craving deep relationship and true friendship.
When I first moved home, all my friendships were wrapped up in a relationship I was in. When that ended, I lost those friendships and the circle my heart made a home in. It was my first real relationship so the hurt was pretty bad and left me in a spot where I believed I would never have real relationship with anyone ever again. (It sounds dramatic now, but all the feels were so real)
I had made friends with some co-workers which was really nice and helped me get over some of the initial break up. All of my friends from high school attend colleges far away and I had lost contact with a lot of people after being away from home for a couple years.
There were a few girls who I knew were in town. I met up with Payten when I first moved back home and we went on a hike. We talked about potentially starting a Bible study and caught up on life. Everything went really well and then I didn’t hear from her for months. (neither one of us reached out because of stubborness and being awkward) Lindsey was going to school nearby and helping out with volleyball. Every once in a while I would see her where I worked and we engage in small talk. That was the extent of that. Heather graduated from a different high school and I hadn’t talked to her in years.
From the looks of it now, this friendship seemed pretty unpromising. We were all busy gals with no intersections of career or social life. Until one day…
Payten set up a ground chat: Her, Lindsey, Heather and I. She wanted us to come over to her house and start a Bible study. I was so nervous. I remember sitting in Payten’s living room on the floor for the first time like it was yesterday. We all shared about life’s recent happenings and I shared about my heartbreak. I was still carrying it pretty heavily and it felt nice just to share what was on my heart.
That night we all sat around in the living room was the start of a fabulous friendship. We all had been through some difficult times and were simply looking for a sisterhood built around loving Jesus. That night we chatted about what our dream friendship would look like. We began to dream about fall season, christmas time, New Years, and all things friendship goals.
It might sound a little forced, and parts of it felt like it at the time. However, four years later we’re all much closer than we were before and we have all had to walk through some really tough stuff. I have always been one to hold back in sharing as I don’t want to burden others with my problems. These girls have helped me knock down so many of those walls I kept up.
Because of these girls, ( and so many others) I’ve learned to ask for help and to admit that I’m not quite okay all the time. I am so thankful to have friends who will pray for me in hard times and celebrate the big moments with me.
I love that my besties love to party as much as I do. Everything we do is go BIG or go home. Whether it’s snapping a pic for the gram or a birthday, we go all out. We are all so different, and that’s what makes our friendship great. I have learned so much about life through being in a committed friendship with these girls and so many others in the last year. They’ve taught me how to listen and how to express what I’m thinking and feeling in ways I wouldn’t have learned other-wise.
Maybe you have some close galpals like I do and maybe you don’t. If you’re craving real connection, don’t be afraid to put yourself out there and ask a gal out on a coffee date. That’s how amazing friendships start in my experience. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and share your story. Women communicate best by sharing stories and finding similarities in what we go through.
Maybe you’ve been through some ugly stuff and you don’t think anyone would be your friend. Maybe you’ve been hurt by girls in the past or had experiences of people saying really horrible things about you. Maybe you’ve been in an unhealthy spot and been a toxic friend at one point. Maybe you think you’ll never let people in again.
If that’s you, it’s okay and I feel you. That’s exactly where I was when I found myself in this friendship. I was wildly insecure it wouldn’t work out. I am so glad it did. So take the risk, reach out, and open your heart. It might be uncomfortable at times but it will be worth it. I promise!
Xx,
Hailey