A Peak into the Window
It's been a heavy week.
So many emotions, feelings & physical challenges this week. Some really divine highs. And some pretty tough lows.
If you saw my stories this week, you may have read how I had a radical encounter with Jesus which led to some physical healing. You may have read how God has shown up through putting people in my life who have shown me unconditional love in areas that were formerly marked by judgement and criticism.
By the grace of God, I'm so happy to report that the pain in my hip has not returned. In fact, I was able to walk 4 miles today with no pain in my hip and lower back. It's been months since I've been able to experience that in my body. 🙌🏻 🙌🏻
And while I wish that was all there was going on. That's not the case. There is more. There is a deeper layer of healing happening that is far less tangible and comfortable to talk about. But it's my testimony. It's the undeniable hand of God on my life and his love & goodness constantly chasing after me even when the enemy meant things for evil. Even when I messed up & chose things of this world over Him.
Quite frankly it's felt like a walk through hell for the last 6-7 years. Confusion. Judgement. Criticism. Failures. Shame. Guilt. All of these are things that I've had to wrestle with in little moments and on a much more severe scale as well. These are all details I'll share one day. However, today is not that day. Today is to simply provide a glimpse into what has God has been working out in my life, not for any of my benefit, (and not even because I am thrilled to) but because I know He is ultimately glorified through it.
I KNOW He gets glory when we share our testimonies However, the temptation is to always push it down. To act like everything has always been fine or easy for me. Or to act like my life looks the way it does now thanks to a series of happy accidents. And with that, there's a temptation to hide the deeper parts of my testimony and my story. And I've heavily felt that temptation this week.
In the media maddened world we live in there is a temptation to put on a fake face. To become the most pinterest-y & goals-y person out there. To show highlight reels on here while we hide & confine the rest of our lives. It's a wild concept isn't it? It sounds quite carnal and it's evidently created some roots in our society of fear & insecurity. There is a temptation to take part in this even & especially as the Christian Church. Have you felt it?
And here's the thing: I LOVE social media. I don't think it's evil. In fact, there's not much I love more than creating those cute pinterest-y things and romanticizing my very normal, middle class life. I love using creativity & strategy to communicate an idea or to execute on a campaign. It's quite thrilling actually!
But more than I love that. Way more actually. I love the Church. I love people. I love the messy discipleship and refinement that happens when we commit to others out of a pure love. I love seeing people healed, freed, encouraged and inspired. I love celebrating with people. Laughing with them. Crying with them. And listening to them. This love for people has been so deeply sown into the fabric of who I am.
It's a gift in a lot of ways. It's strength in others. And in some ways, it's the very thing that has invited the most hurt and trauma into my life. It's the thing about me that's brought the most betrayal and confusion. And when this gift has been misguided, it has been the thing that has brought the most pain, and loss of trust in my life.
But the pain, the dysfunction is where God met me. He didn't leave me in insecurity when I was 16. He didn't leave me in shame when I was 17. He didn't leave me in anger when I was 18. He didn't leave me in a place of deep heartbreak when I was 19. He didn't leave me in hurt when I was 20. He didn't leave me in the hospital when I was 21. He didn't leave me in betrayal & abuse when I was 22 , He didn't leave me in confusion & frustration when I was 23. He certainly hasn't left me in grief & loneliness in 24.
In all those places, He has comforted, guided me. Given people to me for comfort. He has spoken to me through words, visions and dreams. He has met me in times of worship and praise. And he has graciously allowed me to encounter beauty & love & joy & peace throughout it all.
And because of that. I vow to make my little corner of the internet a safe space for you. Not because I have everything figured out. Not because I am the most knowledgable or most Holy or most effective communicator. But because I love God's people deeply. Because I am passionate about jumping in the trenches with people when life doesn't make sense.
I don't know exactly what it's like to walk in your shoes, but I am certain I have taken some similar steps. Some into seasons and times of celebration. Some in utter confusion, and others in total darkness. I know what it's like to not need a solution, but to need someone to say, "I've been there too, and you're going to be okay."
So while may seem ominous and vague. And while you might be craving the "juicy details" of my trials. I want you, dear reader to know that I see you and I walk with you. I want you to know that layer by layer if you stick around you're going to hear some really tough things from me. You're going to hear some really uncomfortable stories. You're going to be challenged and your perception of who I am will probably change.
But I promise you this. If you stick around, you are going to see how God works. You are going to see the redemption and reconciliation He has breathed into my life. You are going to see the FAITH and HOPE and LOVE in which I walk out my life is not rooted in any sort of grandeur. No, it is rooted deeply in the unshakeable truth that is the Word of God.
You're going to see it's rooted in a deep revelation and relationship of who God is and how He moves in my life. It's rooted in a relationship and trust with the Holy Spirit. It's rooted in identity and love only made possible through the person of Jesus.
And I am willing to go there in order that you might have HOPE. In order that you might look at my life and say, "If He did it in her life, surely He can do it in mine." Because He can, and I believe He will."
Because that, my friend is what it looks like to spur one another on in hope and love. When we take down the walls of fear & shame we are beckoned deeper into the love of God for us and through us. A love that is unconditional. A love that heals. A love that sees. And most importantly, a love that transforms.
All my love,
Hailey