Thank You, 23!!!

As the great poet Smashmouth once said, “the years start coming and they don’t stop coming.” And boy oh boy is that getting ever more real in my life. I’m 24 toda,y and it just doesn’t even seem possible. I am looking back on this year with so much gratitude. I’m looking back with so much joy & so much honor.

One of my favorite books of the Bible is Joshua. I love the story where the Israelites finally cross the Jordan River on their way to the Promised Land. However, before they parade into the Promised Land, God commanded Joshua  to set up monuments to remember what God had done for them in bringing them to the other side of the Jordan. So in a similar fashion,  this blog is one of those monuments for me to remember such an important year in my life. As much as I love planning and casting vision for the future, I deeply adore a reflective moment to look back on and appreciate all God has done in a particular season. Actually, I believe this practice has allowed me to take in life more presently and more fully in the last year or so.

Earlier this week, I had some Instagram posts pop up from exactly a year ago right before I turned 23 and WOW, so much has changed in just one short year. . . I’ve changed SO much in just one year. As I look back on my time as a 23 year old, I think it holds the record for most life-changing lessons learned. Seriously, I feel like I have learned a decade worth of lessons in just 12 months. I can’t help but look back with a full heart and say Thank You, 23!! You were a wonderful year for me.

23 is the year that molded me into the person who I always wanted to be, who I always knew was inside. It’s almost like the events of this year were the refining fire for the gold that was deep down inside. I have experienced the fullness of God more intimately. I have been challenged and stretched through friendships, I have gone on more first dates as a 23 year old than ever before. I’ve traveled more than any year before (outside of playing volleyball). I have laughed and loved harder. I have finally seen things that I dreamed about years and years ago come into fruition .Along the way, I tripped, and I made mistakes. And somewhere in the mix, I learned to be okay with that.

There’s a million things that 23 has taught me, yet more than anything, it has taught me how to deeply depend on God. I don’t think I’ve ever had a time in my life where there was so much uncertainty and so much peace in my life. And that says a LOT because I’m typically the girl who tries to influence and control just about every situation I can.

In this year, God has truly shown me what he can do with a pure heart and open hands. He has met me in the quiet times, in the frustrating times and in the joyous times to show me what He has in store for me. Through every confusing moment, He drew near to me and opened up the doors He wanted me to walk through. There are a few key moments in this year that I have become so grateful for.

I also want to note that 23 has been covered in more prayer & worship than ever before. This year has shown me the power of bringing dark things to light. It has taught me how to be bold in asking for prayer. It’s taught me how to cover others in prayer, and it’s shown me the POWER of a unified church.

Ironically, 23 is the year where I thought I was done with ministry. In moments, I thought I failed God & was no longer useful to Him. But that couldn’t be farther from the truth. In fact, this has also been the year he’s shown me that there is even more to experience than I ever thought possible. I am looking at 24, so expectant to see even more promises fulfilled in this area. 

23 is the year that I left a job doing what I LOVE, Youth Ministry. At 22, I took a job as a Youth Director at my local church and at 23, the Lord released me from that job. It didn’t make any sense at that time,church  ministry is what I dreamed of doing. I knew it was something that needed to be done, and I knew it was a direction from the Lord, I just had no idea what it was teeing me up for. 

At the time, I thought the point of that was to go to school. What I didn’t realize was that God wanted to do a deep & rich healing work in me. He wanted to bring people in my life who would walk alongside me, who would speak life to me and pray over me through a variety of situations.

I didn’t realize that signing up for online school would lead me to need an internship. And I didn’t know that after 9 internship rejections, I would land a social media internship with Heart of Dating by the grace of God. I didn’t know that the internship wouldn’t end up not counting for college credit, instead it would count toward changing my life.

I also didn’t know that would lead me to dabbling in my own business endeavors on the side. And at the time, I had NO idea how much there is to learn when you have your own business. Please say a prayer for me lol. Shortly after starting my internship, I left the coffee industry for real this time. And that same weekend, I got to be back down in San Diego where I volunteered at a singles mixer. That would eventually open the door for me to move back down to San Diego.

Somewhere along the way, I realized I had never given my school plans fully over to God. My academic career up until this point was marked by planning, striving, changing majors & replanning. Applying, accruing debt, taking more classes & eventually feeling so convicted about the way college had gone for me. When I finally took some time to pray about college for the first time, I knew God hadn’t given me the green light to go back to school, and I always viewed it as a way out to whatever poor working situation I was in.

So with that, I dropped out. I was actually on a date where a guy told me that my school journey was actually a sunk cost. I’m eternally grateful for that date for that specific reason, it opened my eyes to what I felt in my heart to be true, but I didn’t quite want to believe.

As I was making this decision, I was also sitting in the uncertainty of what my future with Heart of Dating looked like. I was done with my internship, but not ready to leave. Again, by the grace of God, a door opened for me to be employed by Heart of Dating. This job has been so formative for me as I step into more opportunities within the realm of social media and ministry.

Working for Heart of Dating has been such a full circle experience & a move of God in my life. And I say this because just a few short years ago, I found myself binging every episode of HOD as I was picking up the pieces of a broken heart. And I’ve seen God move & heal in so many ways as I’ve gotten to play such a small part in this ministry. It’s been such a gift.

This year, I also moved to San Diego. It was a dream and a prayer of mine to move back one day. I spent significant time in San Diego from 2016-2018 when I was going to school & playing volleyball at Point Loma Nazarene University. Despite that time being one of the most difficult of my life, I fell in love with San Diego. Earlier this year, I had felt such a tug on my heart to move back down to America’s Finest City. I found journal entries where I was begging God to open up a door to San Diego, I even wrote that I felt homesick not being there. 

In May, God opened up a door for me to stay down there for a month with a friend, an extended vacation of sorts where I would be able to get out of town and hopefully get some fresh vision for my future & my business endeavors. As soon as I got down there, I knew I didn’t want to leave. But in order for me to stay, He HAD TO open a door. There was simply no other way. 

About a week before I was to pack my things & drive back to Norcal, this girl I met at an IYKYK singles mixer in Sacramento posted to her Instagram story that she, her sister & her friend were looking for one more roommate to make rent reasonable. I sent up a little prayer, then sent a message saying I was looking for a room to live in!

I am so glad I took that leap of faith, because now I have 3 of the best roommates & friends I could have asked for. This summer I have been able to travel, get connected into a church I adore, & build friendship with my roomies. The summer has flashed by and now I’m just left with all of the memories and lessons. And there are some GOOD ones.

I’m actually sitting on a plane right now as I write this on my 24th birthday, heading back to San Diego. And I’m looking forward to celebrating with some of the most Holy Spirit-led women I have met in my entire life.  This weekend I spent time in Northern California for my boss’s wedding, which was MAGICAL & hanging out with my family. Tonight is going to be full of sunset beauty, waves & sweet moments, & hopefully an epic dance party hehe. 

I sit here so in awe of what God has done. I also sit here with a lot of hard moments that marked 23. A lot of tough conversations & tough decisions. And I sit here an entirely different woman than I was when I first turned 23.

I’m learning THAT is the beauty of getting older. Each year, I embark on a new trip around the sun which changes me, molds me, grows me, hold a little pain, & brings me closer to God. I sit here today, even reflecting earlier with my mom, that the last 8 years have been TOUGH. I don’t talk about the details too often, but since I was 16, each year has been filled with traumatic events and darker trials than I ever thought possible. I know it was God that has given me the strength to walk out these storms to get where I am today. Honestly, today is the first birthday where I feel like I am standing on solid ground. Where I feel genuinely excited to walk into what this year has. And the first one where I don’t hope my life looks so difference by the end.

If I could offer any piece of encouragement through this mini novel of the last year, it’s that God is so faithful. He wants to meet you in whatever trial you find yourself in. He wants to walk you through to the other side of the storm you’re in and yes, He really does want to give you the desires of your heart. 

I’ve radically experienced that in my life, and I believe it’s possible for you to.

So here’s to 24, the year I am believing for so much MORE.

All my love,

Hailey