An Open Letter to the Anxious Heart

I see that you are stressing. I feel that you may be experiencing overwhelm right now. While I don’t know all the details and can’t see the situation from your eyes, know that I stand with you. Know that you are not alone. I’m in your corner supporting you and praying for you. And far far greater than myself, you have the Creator of the universe who made you and knows your anxious heart right by your side. The power of Jesus lives in you. He understands your emotions and he’s felt all of them too.

I, myself have dealt with great bouts of anxiety through my adolescence and young adulthood. This anxiety is rooted in the pressure of performance and a fear of failure or rejection. I remember the early anxieties of volleyball tournaments where college coaches were present. I remember the pit in my stomach that would form in each warm up. The shame that followed each mishit. This cycle repeated over and over and over. 

Flash forward to a collegiate volleyball career where I came off of a total ACL & meniscus reconstruction. The same pit was there, only worse. Not only was volleyball stressful, but so was the cultural pressure of college

How do I live on my own? What do I believe? Is God real? Is it really a sin to party? Who is Hailey anyway? Have I been lied to my whole life? Am I really gonna marry this guy? Why doesn’t he ask me out already? How do I know God really is on my side? What if I fail?

These are the questions that tormented me for years. And left unchecked by scripture and a solid Bible-believing community. My identity was a fragile tapestry: pull one loose thread and the whole thing could unravel. And believe me it did. Thread by thread. Bit by bit.

All of this to say, I am no stranger to anxiety, and I understand where you are coming from. It is not abnormal to deal with swirling chaos inside your mind. Thoughts buzzing in and out and all around. In the meantime, do your best to grasp what is real while managing the basics of your life the best you can. The battle seems impossible. 

However, it is not. And you are not alone. Jesus promises us that He is with us until the very end of the age. (Matthew 28:20)

Here is something a little disturbing but also comforting:

 “Everything is meaningless,” says the Teacher, “completely meaningless!”

Ecclesiastes 1:2 

I remember reading through Ecclesiastes as a 9 or 10 year old and being quite uncomfortable. I did feel the Lord speaking to me through these scriptures at a young age to show me that everything is meaningless without Him. 

But the comfort is this: if we truly believe Jesus is with us, if we know that it is finished. If we can recount the stories in the Bible where he was faithful, and recall those moments in our own life, we know, none of our struggles here on earth warrant the anxiety we feel about them. I’m not saying they aren’t there or they aren’t difficult. I am saying there is hope far beyond what you can see in the midst of your anxieties. 

What your peers think about you, your grades, the 40 minute wait at the coffee shop, the job you lost. None of it matters. Your Father who is good and whose will is perfect will care for you all the more. He will provide a way through the storm and the comfort you. 

It may be hard to see that now, but you can trust Him with your heart and with your life. I encourage you to become a student of yourself. Pay attention to your anxious thoughts and your knee-jerk reactions to the world around you. Then, go talk to the people you trust. Seek the Lord and seek healing.

God is bigger than your anxiety. And he cares for you. He cares for every feeling and thought you have and He wants to use your life to glorify Him. I challenge you to allow him to do that. Let go of the control of your life. In all reality, what we can control about our life is only how we react to the situations at hand and how we take care of the things God has given and entrusted to us.

I encourage you to take on the fight of your anxious thoughts. Or as I like to think of it,  the lies. The lies that your situation is bigger than God, because it’s not. Jesus says this about where lies come from. “The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy. I have come that they may have life and have it to the full.” John 10:10 

Living a life trapped in your anxious thoughts is not life to the full, He has so much more for you! Go live like you believe that. 

All my love, 

Hailey